He knows he should probably apologise to her properly, but he just can't be bothered to summon up the energy just now.
Not after what happened tonight.
She had been there in the restaurant.
He was supposed to go with Ted, but then Ted had to go out of town. So he had gone alone.
He had always been prepared when he would see her. Always prepared.
But not for this. Not for this.
Mark was there. Condescending Peaceful Mark who couldn't even hail a waiter properly.
And her, wearing that color. The same color that he had seen her in for the first time.
A deep, soft twilight blue that smelt like wild flowers.
He wondered if she still wore that dress he had given her.
His table was perfectly positioned. He could see them but they couldn't see him.
He knew he should have left but he couldn't help himself.
So he stayed, hovering at the edges of the picture, feeling like the family ghost nobody likes.
Like he was probably there but not quite. I live at the edges.
And her children were there. Her children. Their children.Not their children. Because they didn't have children.
They hadn't gotten her immaculate blonde hair, their hair was dark. Like his.
It was at that point that he had signaled the waiter for the first drink.
"Do you like the dark, Reese?" he slurs, breaking the silence.
"Yes." she says simply.
His eyes are still closed.
"Twilight. The french call it l'heure bleue. Or the Blue Hour." he says.
"I didn't know you knew french." she says, leaning back, unconsciously imitating him.
It is dark, and she can't see Crews clearly anymore, but somehow she knows he smiled at that.
"I don't." he says.
Jen did. Jen, who had left but had never really. Who had taken everything but had left enough .
She had left nothing but shadows.
Dani wonders what he left out, but says nothing.
They sit in the silence for some time, Dani occasionally throwing stones into the distance.
Crews leans back, hearing the quiet thok sound that the stones make when they hit a tree.
He likes waiting for the sound. Thok. Silence. Thok.
The way they are sitting, the light illuminates only her face, and he sits in her shadow.
In her shadow. All he has are shadows.
He sits in her shadow. In the darkness. Watching her in his silence.
His mind is a jumble of thoughts.
And peace follows the darkness like a shadow.
And because the peace comes from your very sources, you never feel like you are being commanded.
You never feel you are being dominated, you never feel you are being a slave.
The love that simply overflows you, is unconditional, just a gift, a blessing to the silence.
All he has are shadows.
He shifts slightly against the tree and loses his balance.
He throws out two unsteady hands to right himself, but before he can he feels her hands reach out and roughly grab him by the shoulders. This time he knows it is her, so he doesn't strike back. He moves in an ungainly fashion and stumbles again, falling against her shoulder.
The first thing he notices is that she doesn't smell like Jen.
She smells of car freshener, and of a long day's work.
She smells of things that are real, and things that matter, and things that don't change because they just are.
Of things that have been since the beginning.
On impulse he kisses her cheek, and that small action makes him forfeit whatever balance he had. His weight causes them both to fall onto the ground.
Dani is the first to recover. She pushes Crews off and stands up, brushing the dirt from her clothes.
She looks at him laying there on the ground and he begins to laugh. She wants to be mad because he kissed her, but she can't. For reasons she doesn't feel like exploring.And since she doesn't want to think about these reasons, and because she knows he is too drunk to be able to remember, she decides to let it go.
Instead she hooks her hands under his arms and a few seconds later he is standing.
Unsteadily, but standing nonetheless.
"Come on Crews. I'm taking you home."
She grabs his shoulder and steers him to the car.
Soon he finds himself back at his house, and he can see the lights are on.
He can see that Ted is home because he can see him through the windows and he wants to rush inside the house because he is filled with an irrational desire to hug Ted. And even as he tries to stumble forward he can feel her grip tighten on his arm and he realises that Dani is the here, the now, keeping him steady, keeping him sane and all of a sudden his heart is filled to bursting point with a sense of an undefinable, uncontrollable something for this dark haired, stubborn woman who would sooner bite his head off than smile at him.
"Reese. Reese!" he slurs again, and she turns to look at him.
They are at the door now and Ted will open it soon, and if he doesn't say it now, he doesn't think he can ever say it.
"What?" she snaps.
"You're my dead cat." he slurs. And then before he can say anything further, the door is opened, and Ted has taken him in and thanked her in the same breath, and all he can do is grin goofily at her slightly amused face before Ted shuts the door for the night.
And as Ted slides him into his bed, his head is fuzzy and he wonders if he should explain to her that a dead cat is the most valuable thing in the world because nobody can put a price on it.
Maybe tomorrow, he thinks, Tomorrow I will tell her.
But of course, when he gets up tomorrow, he doesn't remember anything.
And Dani says nothing because she's rather not talk about it, and Ted says nothing because Dani explicitly told him not to.
And the everything is pretty much the same except for the fact that he and Reese don't fight at all that day.
- Mood:
refreshed - Music:El Dorado - Elton John
Pick up the phone Crews. This is not the time for you to go AWOL on me.
"Agh!" yelled Dani aloud in frustration.
Where is that fu- Earley! I'll call Earley.
Dani began thumbing through her phonebook, thanking the day Crews had taken some of her things home by mistake.
Well it's not my fault that we have similar stuff.
She'd had to drive up to Crews' mausoleum of a house to get her stuff back because Crews hadn't answered his phone.
She smiled to herself as she remembered yelling at him, and how Earley had finally restored peace by giving her his number to call as a backup.
The phone was ringing again.
"Hello? Who is this?" said a voice at the other end.
"Detective Reese. Crews' partner."
"Oh hello - "
Dani cut him off. "Where is he and why isn't he picking up his phone?"
"Oh. I don't know. I had to go out of town for the day. Because of Charlie's orange groves. Somethi-"
"Orange groves? Where are they? Can I find him there?" said Dani, getting angrier by the minute.
"Oh. Uh. Yeah. Maybe. Just a minute, uh.. detective. I'll just..."
Five minutes Dani was in her car speeding towards the outskirts of the city..
Enough was enough. I am sick of putting up with your crap Crews.
She was going to lay down some goddamn rules. First and foremost was answering your fucking phone.
After no talking, of course.
Dani floored the pedal.
He sat on the ground.
The sky was growing dark and there was very little light save for the sodium lamp near the picking shed.
Long shadows ran along the ground and he skimmed the air over them with his fingers.
This wasn't how it was supposed to be.
He had been just another guy who looked like every other guy who had walked down the road.
Want to be that guy.
The air breezed by his face and he shivered, welcoming the cold.
Cold made him feel alive. Alive in an alien and primitive way.
Cold made him numb to everything else except the sting against his skin.
I am oblivious to feeling.
You are such a bad liar, Charlie. He could practically hear Connie's voice in his head.
And now Connie wasn't there anymore.
Nobody seemed to stick.
He could hear a car. A part of him urged him to go forward. I need to know what that is. Need to know...
But another part of him was in control. I am not attached to this car. I'm...
I am not attached to this car and I have no control.
He didn't want to care. But you can't stop. You've come full circle Charlie.
And a circle has no end. You can only go round. And round.
Until all you have are echoes. Faint colourless echoes that darken to nothing in the night.
He closed his eyes.
He could hear footsteps. He leaned back against the tree, the reptilian part of his mind still ever alert to any danger.
The more human part lost for the moment, drowning deeply in misery.
Light footsteps. Delicately touching the soil. Almost treading air. Noises.
The sound was blurred in his head. The volume would grow louder and then softer.
He shook his head, trying to rid himself of the feeling like he would a fly..
"- ews... Crews... "
He jerked his eyes open.
Dani walked at a fast pace after parking near the gate.
All that fucking money and he has only one light. One fucking light.
She could see him sitting at the edge of the grove, leaning against a tree. Stupid sonofa-
"Crews!" she yelled. He said nothing, just moved his weight around a bit.
"Crews!" She yelled at him again and suddenly stopped.
She knelt down and caught hold of his collar to turn his face against hers.
"Jesus Christ, Crews. Are you drunk?" she asked.
He looked at her. She was saying something. She was so blurry.
Who is that? Can't be Connie. Connie's not here anymore.
Besides Connie had never been so.. like this. Who was this person?
This pushing, yelling, fidgeting person?
A voice from the recesses of his alcohol addled mind whispered Dani Reese. Reese...
She was saying something. She was touching his collar. His neck.
hands neck exposed fight back do something react Charlie do something Charlie something anything get free get free
In one fluid motion Crews grabbed hold of her wrist and slammed it down, knocking her down from her kneeling position so that she was flung off her feet.
But that was as far as he got. The next thing he felt was a fist connect to his jaw that sent him reeling back.
"Sonofabitch, you hit hard Crews." said Dani, rubbing her wrist.
"Sorry." he slurred. "Sorry Dani." he repeated, and slumped back against the tree.
Did Crews just call me Dani?
She looked at him. He was a wreck.
What the hell was wrong with this picture?
- Mood:
irritated
Dani felt the thin bead of sweat trickle down her shoulder blades.
Finish up already Crews.
She looked at her partner questioning the owner of the cafe they were in.
He was standing next to a metal collapsible gate that shimmered in the blazing rays of the sun.
Heat. Hot brassy summer heat.
Which seemed to be leaving Charlie Crews unfazed.
Damn you Crews.
Reese shook her head. If I had a dime for every time I said that...
Crews looked over at Reese and gave her a look.
She waved him away. Heat doesn't bother him, let him deal with it.
She went and sat in the shade at the back of the cafe. She looked around aimlessly, sipping her drink.
Which had gotten to room temperature, by the way. Dani sighed.
Be nice to take a day off. A day without Crews can only be a good day, she mused.
She looked at the people in the cafe. People sitting together. People talking.
She sat in the shade, and closed her eyes, savouring her moment without Charlie Crews.
" - Crews right? The guy who got that settlement?"
Dani opened her eyes and blinked in annoyance. Not one moment alone. Not even one fu-
"Look at that sonofabitch just standing there. Do you know what he did to that correctional officer?"
Dani discreetly looked in the direction of the voices.
Two people were sitting at the table behind her. Kids, she noted. Not older than twenty three, give or take.
"What, you mean Dan's cousin? At Pelican Bay?" said the first one.
"That's the one. Look at that smug bastard. I don't care what the law says. It's full of shit anyway. That sonofabitch put Dan's cousin in the fucking hospital. And he's free!"
Dani looked at the second kid warily. She paused a moment to look at Crews standing, now uncomfortably, in the sun, the pink of his face clashing horribly with his hair.
Where did they get smug bas-
"I don't care. I say we pay him back for what he did to Dan's cousin. Let's get the sonofabitch."
Dani flipped opened her cellphone and began typing.
"I don't know man... They do a lot of shit in prisons we don't even know about.. They let him go free. Plus he's a cop...." whined the first kid.
Dani clicked the 'send' button and walked up to their table.
"I don't give a fuck, man. I say we get this guy, cop or not. I say we -"
"You say we what?" interrupted Dani coldly.
The second kid looked up at her and scowled. "What's it to you? Who the fuck are you anyway?"
Dani smiled slowly, a smile that did not reach her eyes. She pulled aside her jacket to reveal her badge.
"Me? I'm LAPD. I'm the uh, what did you call him? Oh right. The sonofabitch's -" she casually flicked her head in Crews' direction "- partner".
The first kid began to look panicky. "I told you, he's a fucking cop, he -"
Dani cut him off and looked at the second kid, who was staring at her badge. "I suggest you take your friend's advice. Or I take care of you both."
Both kids scrambled to their chairs and ran out of the cafe. Dani looked at their retreating forms and smiled to herself.
We're even now, Crews.
She walked back to the front after paying, and saw that Crews had almost finished up.
He walked up to her, waving his cellphone. "I got your message. What did you have to 'take care of' ?"
"Nothing important." She said blandly. Nothing you need to know about, anyway.
She looked at him as he stood there. Heat's definitely affecting him now.
Crews' face matched the pink of his lips.
Did I just think about his lips? Get a goddamned grip, Dani.
She looked at him. God he was so annoying! Was it even possible for someone to annoy ANY one this much?
Dani stood and stared at him, tapping her foot on the street and getting more and more irritated.
SAY something already Dani! Stop standing here gawking at CREWS!
"What were you doing that took so goddamned long anyway?"
He looked at her and blinked. "I was fighting crime."
Resisting the urge to roll her eyes, Dani shook her head and continued walking.
"Hey Reese?"
She turned to look at him.
"If I was a crimefighter, would you like, be my sidekick?"
Dani raised her eyebrows. And stared at him some more, before she turned around and began walking to the car.
Get the message Crews. I've done my good deed for the day. I'm no longer obliged to be nice to you.
"I mean like, watch my back and all. Kinda like Robin."
Dani stopped in her tracks. Crews was still talking.
"-Ted asked if he was Robin, but I mean he couldn't be Robin. Because - "
Dani clenched her fists.
I will not shoot my partner. I will not shoot my partner.
"Shut up, Crews", was all she said aloud as she got into the car.
All that, and I get to be Robin?
She looked at him,now safely esconced in the car, away from the heat.
He looked at her and smiled.
Goddamn you Crews.
- Location:My Room
- Mood:
annoyed - Music:Driving With The Top Up - Iron Man OST
Charlie Crews stepped out into the pink glow of the neon sign above. Why now? he thought.
Dani Reese looked at him and shook her head as she watched him go off into his own private universe. "Crews? Come on." she said and they walked into the building.
"But why here, Reese? Why now?"
"I don't know. This place has already been searched. I don't know why he would come back here. The LAPD already found the stash and took it as evidence. Personally I think that the call is a load of crap."
"Mmm. It could be." mused Crews.
A little later the pair came down the stairs. "That's the last room, right?" asked Dani. "Last room." said Crews and they walked out the door. "There was nobody at the place, lieutenant. We're going home." said Dani.
As they walked to the car, Dani smelt the slight fragrance of peaches. Or pears. Or was it peaches?
Goddamn you Crews.
"You are not eating a peach in my car."
Crews looked back at her and spoke through a mouthful of fruit. "M'not eating peach. Not the season for peach. These are grapes, Reese."
"Want some?" he added as an afterthought, his blue eyes squinting in the harsh neon glow.
Dani looked puzzled and slowly shook her head. Where did I get peaches from?
"No, thanks Crews. Let's go home. I gotta write up the report for tomorrow morning."
"Yeah. Reportfor'mornin'." He said indistinctly.
Dani rolled her eyes. He was doing it again. "Just leave the file in the car okay?"
"Okay."
"And stop talking with your mouth full."
"Mmf." he mumbled again.
Dani didn't even bother saying anything. Idiot.
Nobody saw a pair of eyes follow them to their car.
---------------
Dani entered her house. She never understood how Crews could do it. Live alone in that big house.
Not always alone, she mused. Women seemed to look at him. Want to look at him.
Why, she had never understood.
After all he was a fruit devouring, six foot, red headed, never tanning, zen spouting idiot. And though she would never actually admit it to herself, all that attention to him made her... feel things.
Things she wasn't sure she approved of.
Things that shouldn't exist. That don't exist.
But for something not to exist it can't really be a thing right?
Stop it! You're doing that thing when you're doing the thing again.
She walked into her bedroom.That's funny, she thought. I don't remember leaving this place like this. Something doesn't feel right. Dani began reaching for her gun with her right hand while flipping open her cellphone with her left when she heard a voice.
Hello Dani. How's it feel to be a respectable citizen?"
Dani's heart froze.
---------------
Charlie Crews had decided to take the bus home. Get a nice walk. A nice cup of seeded grapes and a walk. Charlie liked the night air. He hadn't seen much of the night air for while in the middle. Stop thinking about that.
These are good grapes, he thought, changing tracks inside his head. Crews was good at that.
As he experimentally rolled a seed in his mouth, he wondered what was flapping in his hand. My hands don't flap. He looked down.
"Oh no."
He saw a standard issue yellow file in his hand. Report for the morning. Reese was going to kill him.
"No walk today. Reese needs you." he spoke to the file and hailed a passing cab through a mouthful of grapes.
"Where you wanna go?" asked the cab. "Mfshto shtreet" he said indistinctly. "What?"
"Mephisto Street". I gotta stop talking with my mouth full.
Ten minutes he was outside Dani's apartment.
Lights were still on. Good.
He payed the cabbie and walked up to the front door.
Front door was open. Not so good.
Crews drew his gun and slowly walked inside.
--------------
Dani could feel him as he pushed her down on her bed. "You got no right. Officer Dani. You used to like Rick. We used to be friends. Then Rick goes and shoots his fucking head off, and you get us busted. I got out two weeks ago. My stash was gone. Rick was dead. I find out LAPD took it. I find out Officer Dani took it. I think I can get it back at Dani's. Do you remember the high, Dani?"
She could feel him against her. The burning had come unbidden to her eyes. Rick had died. She had gone to pieces. Over her fucking snow. Hadn't even cared about the dead human being beside her. And Maddox had come back her to remind her.
"I don't use anymore, Maddy. Now please let me go before I have to hurt you." she said in an even voice. She was shaking inside. Don't show him you care.
Shots. Shots everywhere. All that red blood. And the snow. White snow.
"You have to hurt me? No no no. This is how it works. You give me what I want. Or I hurt you. Or maybe I take what I want and I hurt you anyway."
She could feel him. The smell of days old sweat and drugs and gasoline. He had her hands behind her back and she could feel his hands on her throat. She could feel the cheap smell invading her lungs and she thought so this is what it will feel like when I die. Smell of decay. Her throat was closing up.
"Stop it Maddy.. I don't have any..." she choked into incoherence.
Red blood. White. All that snow.
All that work at rehab, rebuilding her life had come to nothing. She wanted to see the day one more time. She wanted to come out of this. She wanted to smell her life once last time. She didn't even have the energy to fight it anymore. She didn't even have the will to cry.
Gasoline. Rick's body lying facedown in the red. Her snow, her precious snow. Not white. Pink. Red and White made Pink. She could smell pink.
She could feel Maddox's hands upon her, the weight was crushing her. Soon he would begin. And she would float away, never to return.
Some part of her even welcomed it. Death.
Pink. Pink like lips. Pink like peaches.
She could smell the peaches. Not dead.
The weight was lifting off her. Dani tried to rise and then slumped back onto the bed.
-------------
Charlie entered the room. He took a second to absorb what was going on and lunged at the intruder. Maddy, she had called him. In seconds Crews was on top of him; twisting his hands behind his back. The scuffle had lasted only about two seconds. Crews was bigger and had gone through the unfortunate experience of serving 12 years in a maximum security prison.
"Now listen to me Maddy. Your name's Maddy right? You do not come in here and assault an officer of the LAPD. You especially do not come in and assault my partner." Crews hissed into his ear as he snapped open the cuffs.
"Don't cuff him."
Crews turned around. He said nothing, only tilted his head slightly and looked at her.
"Don't cuff him, Just - just let him go. I don't think he's going to come back. " Her voice took on a harder note. "Because if he comes back, I'll kill him. You got that?" said Dani, her eyes dark and murderous.
Crews nodded slowly and tightened his hold on Maddox. "You got that? She'll kill you. And if I catch you near Officer Reese - no - no, even breathing the same air as Officer Reese, I will kill you." He whispered so that only Maddox could hear.
Crews watched Maddox run blindly through the door. He turned to Reese. "You sure letting him go was such a good idea?" Dani looked at him and didn't say anything for a while. "Forget it. Forget I said that. We don't have to talk about it just now." Reese looked at him. "Or ever!" he said, holding his hands up in a gesture of surrender.
Reese looked at him. "He's just a junkie. He - I - I used to know him when I was uh, on another, uh case." Just another case, Dani?
"Anyway, he's harmless." she shrugged.
"Didn't look harmless to me." said Crews. He backpedalled furiously when Reese glared at him. "Of course harmless is a relative term. To the birds, bees are harmless, to the bears, coyotes are harmless! Like I said, harmless is a relative term."
"Stop saying harmless Crews!" said Dani, continuing to glare at him.
"Yeah. Sorry." He looked at her and did that annoying head tilt of his. "Everything ok in there? You can crash at my place if you want."
She stared at him.
"Plenty of room." He said.
Plenty of room, she repeated in her head.
Six foot, red headed idiot. Then she smiled. "Thanks Crews, but no thanks. I can take it from here."
Dani had begun to feel better. Feeling better now. Maddy's gone now. Better now.
She looked at Crews.
Don't let him know you care. Change the subject. Change the goddamned subject Dani.
"Why were you here, Crews?" she asked. He had the grace to look guilty. "I uh.. sort of took this file with me, and you said you needed it so-"
Dani stared at the file. And laughed. Feeling better already thought Crews. Good girl, he smiled to himself.
"You'll uh, be alright, Reese?" asked Crews taking in the spartan bedroom.
She glared at him. Both of them knew she didn't really mean it. "Yes Crews, now go home."
Crews smiled an insanely bright smile at her. He started to walk by her toward the door. "Uh, thanks Crews. For tonight." she said awkwardly.
He looked at her as he walked past and smiled again.
Dani rolled her eyes and felt him drift past her and out the door.
Crews walked out of the door, humming oh-so tunelessly. And smelling like peaches, thought Reese wryly.
Peaches.
Reese eyes widened in surprise.
And as she stood there, watching Crews walk off into the night, Dani Reese smiled in spite of herself.
- Mood:
thoughtful - Music:Tom Waits - I Hope I Don't Fall In love With You
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le_red_queen- (It's only) Teenage Wasteland
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